Expectations are funny things

I usually come into new experiences with no expectations at all, and love being open to new adventures, whatever they may bring.

Today, the first day of this trip is my brother’s birthday. He would have been 47, taken too soon by cancer. The swarm of emotions around his passing has subsided over the last 5 years, mostly thanks to a good psychologist and Trader Joe’s wine section, but what has remained is deep anger toward G-d. Of course, this isn’t what my brother would have wanted; he was a rabbi. A man of faith. Four children, all attended Jewish day schools and summer camp. Even as he was in his most incapacitated state, he met with his own rabbi weekly to study Talmud.  And Israel? Oh, Israel, the heart center of his world. And as much as I expected to come to Israel on the Momentum trip to heal my relationship with G-d, I think my expectations are going to be unmet. Because while I wholeheartedly expected to fix my relationship with the Lord on this trip, perhaps it’s the relationship with myself that’s in need of repair.

Emily Varon
Irvine, California