When we sacrifice for things that matter, that process distills us and removes the just-be-comfortable mediocrity from our system regardless of the results.
When we give, disconnecting the recipient’s reaction from our giving feelings is very difficult. If we feel we’re sacrificing, we may measure the result of the gift, which increases our pain.
As we give, we eventually have to overcome the challenge of not receiving feedback. That requires sacrifice, which means giving even when we don’t feel like it. This is the realm of real growth.
People can feel it when we invest our speech and our listening with authentic emotion. This builds them while also building our relationships and gives us deep satisfaction.
Listening means having no agenda. When we fully listen in order to understand — not convince — others, we’re practicing empathy and give them something of real value.
When we dig deeper to learn what someone really needs, our sensitivity and thoughtfulness make us better givers and builds the recipients of our giving.
Building others up is a slow process. Be empathizing we give from the receiver’s perspective. Then, it’s not about getting credit when they “arrive.”
Beyond giving is the level of empowering others. By listening, supporting, and believing in others, we enable them to become bigger themselves.
By focusing our giving on the needs of the recipient rather than on what we would prefer, we show them what empathy is and help them grow as givers.
Sometimes when the best gift we can give someone is the let them give to us. By receiving, we empower others and teach them to also be better givers.
We start becoming a giver by deciding to become one. The more we give and the more we focus on giving, the more we become worthy of giving and the more giving opportunities G-d offers us.
It’s scary to put ourselves out there, but once we recognize what stops us from being next-level givers, and if we push ourselves and really, truly want it, we can attain that level.
Relationships are either transactional or unconditional. When we fully focus on giving unconditionally, our stance toward others is totally different than if we’re concerned about the return.
The ability to be a giver makes us sweeter, better people, and is the greatest gift we can have. Receiving, when it’s not paired with giving, spoils the receiver.
When giving is our real goal, we’re emulating G-d, not being taken. Sometimes that means receiving or holding back, but always other-focued.
To build giving without expectations into our lives, it’s best to start small and work up to bigger things. That way, it will be easier to deal with unexpected reactions.
Giving and expecting nothing in return, even acknowledgment, is what matters. That’s doing the right thing and bringing light into the world. How others react is irrelevant.
When we make giving to others our mission in life — giving simply for the sake of giving — we can stay above the fray when others don’t appreciate it or reciprocate.
When we live with our focus on gratitude, we model this behavior for those who are less emotionally mature than us and teach them how to reach that level.
Expressed gratitude empowers others to find their greatness, which makes the world a better place. More than that, when we are kind to others, we are emulating our Creator.
Being grateful helps us let go of trying to control the world. When we simply appreciate others, we make them feel great, we make the world better, and we give room to grow.
Expressing our gratitude orally makes us bigger and better people. If we make sure to do this every day, and even start each day this way, we will be transformed.
When we take the time to choose to be grateful to those who have made a positive impact on our lives, we can slow ourselves down and become great like them.
By prioritizing our focus on what’s urgent AND important, not just urgent, we avoid getting sucked into other people’s drama and we can be grateful for all that we have.
When we sip rather than gulp from the cup of life, when we take our time and infuse our moments with gratitude, we can avoid getting into an emotional state of tilt and live with real joy.
Growing in our character traits as we mature is part of becoming a real adult. Working on these aspects of ourselves leads us to appreciate what we have and to be other-focused.
The trait of gratitude can help us push past competing and accomplishing and lead us into the battle to recognize the good in our lives and be humble.
Building up our reservoir of Hod (Hebrew for gratitude, acknowledgment) allows us to fill ourselves with positivity. This helps us overcome challenge and anxiety.
When we lead with appreciation, we desire to do and share more. Our ambition comes from this, not from a feeling of lack, which allows us to be balanced in times of challenge.
Planning is important, but living in the here and now allows us to bring out our essence and be the best we can be.
Joseph teaches us to recognize that we can’t predict the future, to accept circumstances, to be resilient, and to make the very best of every moment and every situation.
The next level of immersion is choosing to live deeply inside any situation, without pre-judgment, even when our plans go awry.
We’re able to see nuance and detail that we miss if we don’t immerse ourselves in our tasks. By delving in, we build neurological connections that lead to greatness.
When we fully immerse in the tasks at hand, we notice, understand, and gain more from our efforts. This gets us closer to greatness.
Immersing ourselves in what we’re doing helps us gain insights and understanding we would not reach if didn’t dive deeply into it.
If we know our essence, we’ll want to share. This leads to “Doing” with purpose (instead of just to keep busy), which leads to excellence.
Focusing on our “Do” and our aspirations for greatness helps us build boundaries to protect our minds and avoid focusing on “Have.”
If we’re merely surviving in life, we get nowhere. If we choose what we allow into our minds, we can really get somewhere.
If we don’t guard the gates to our minds, letting just anything into our heads, we use up our attention on nothingness and condemn ourselves to mediocrity.
Life’s stimuli are chaotic. We make more by worrying, replaying the past, multitasking, etc. We crave the release of the tension these cause us.
Immersing ourselves in an activity deepens our relationship with it, which makes it more meaningful. Then, when that activity gets challenging, we’re better able to overcome.
Feeling disempowered creates a cycle of negativity. We can break by honoring others, especially the ones who disempower us.
We don’t really know why people say disempowering things, and we risk damage if we believe them. If we see the honor and greatness in such people, it empowers us.
We naturally prefer the familiar, but that’s a trap. Each time we choose where our minds go it changes how we feel about ourselves.
If we’re living outside-in, we’ll be thrown by circumstances. If we focus on our essence (our “Be”) instead of our impact (our “Have”), we can get to living inside-out.
Acting “too cool for school,” whether as a child or even as an adult, is a shield, a shell that stifles our “Be.” It comes from feeling our value is “doing-” and impact-based.
Fighting for humility helps us identify with our intrinsic value over our physical side. Humility allows us to achieve on the outside without giving up who we are on the inside.
Being humble is not “I can’t” or “I’m not enough.” It’s also not “I can” or “I am.” It’s a sense that something bigger than me provides my power.
Satisfying a physical hunger gives us a temporary hit. Spiritual pleasure comes from the feeling we get when we focus on others.
Our infinite soul is more valuable than everything we will do in life. We get satisfaction from bringing our soul’s power into the physical world.
“Be” comes before “Do.” By recognizing that our soul is infinitely valuable, “Doing” naturally follows “Being,” and we can share our light with others.
True greatness is based on recognizing the Infinite within, developing an intimate relationship with the Creator, and knowing our value is based simply on our existence.
Seeing ourselves as physical rather than spiritual beings hurts us. When we see our own potential, we can fail, grow, and avoid blaming.
Every person is home to a Divine soul and should be honored. We, too, have that Divine soul, even if others don’t see it.
Our words have the power to open or close another’s soul. Recognizing the Divine within us can protect us from others’ hurtful words.
Complimenting other people conditions us to look for the good in them and to honor them. This lifts our eyes, allowing us to see our own greatness as well.
It’s hard work to focus on honoring other people, but when we condition ourselves to look past the physical, we connect in a spiritual way to the value and depth of others.
Seeing others for who they are makes them feel honored and helps them see themselves and feel valued and accepted.
Genuine honor of another person means seeing past their physical selves and recognizing them for the soul they truly are on the inside.
It’s critical that we learn to look past the surface of someone’s actions or status, seek out their values, and, once we find them, treasure them.
We take your questions and discuss: How role modeling works best to influence others; and how the point of honoring is to uncover treasured values and align ourselves to them.
When we work to bring our desires, values, and focus into alignment with what we honor, we bring out the depth of the values we stand for.
Intentionally surrounding ourselves with people, things, and ideals we value naturally aligns us with them, inclines us toward them, and helps us become our best selves.
Greatness comes from what we do when we can just “be.” Those things are based on the values and actions of those we honor.
The things to which we give honor drive us. When we honor values over material things, we set a trajectory for a life of growth and meaning.
What we really want, where we’re putting our eyes — that tells us who we really are. This is the attribute of honor.
We take your questions and discuss: Calibrating giving with discipline so we’re not overdoing it; and how identifying our natural laziness allows us to overcome it.
Our discipline benefits others. When we control ourselves and focus on others, we extend and expand ourselves beyond what we were before and we uncover more power within.
If we see self-discipline as all or nothing, like a light switch, it’s too much, but if we envision it as a dimmer, we can set our goals at appropriate levels.
If we imagine the joy we’ll feel in the future when we look back at today and the challenge we will have overcome, and then bring that feeling into the present, we benefit immediately.
Imagination is the key to discipline. It’s a gift that allows us to see into the future, plan properly, and envision our success. We then feel awesome and build the discipline muscle.
The best way to win any fight by not fighting. By recognizing that we’re built to have impulses and by planning ahead for challenge, we are able to go over the fight.
We take your questions and discuss planning ahead for the negative reactions of others; pitching in to teach and lead rather than taking over, and more.
Our future selves are different than we expect. We plan from our rational brains, but if we prepare knowing that we WILL be impulsive, we’ll be ready to fight our irrational brains.
To start implementing discipline, we can look ahead and use delaying tactics. These help our rational brains out-maneuver our “hot,” irrational brains.
The limbic (or “hot”) system of our brains feeds us impulses. When we remember “that’s not me,” we can filter them out and build a disciplined mind.
When we harness the power and positive energy of our zeal, we are able to focus on the things that are right and good for us.
We transition from zeal to strength through selectivity. We have to figure out when to hold back our zeal. This is called self-control, strength, or discipline.
We take your questions and discuss using the trait of zeal on a day-to-day basis. We perfect ourselves in our use of zeal by growing through its five levels in turn.
The good voice in our heads says “we should be doing … .” By identifying the battles we need to have but that are not in front of us right now, we can level up in zeal.
The maximum-strength aspect of zeal helps us move past “boredom,” fight off the voice that says we can’t, and stay enthusiastic all the way to the goal.
Being fast-acting and build strategies to overcome the negative inner voice feels good. Then we can use maximum strength to close out the challenge.
A voice inside says “we can’t.” By memorializing our excuses, we can develop better strategies to overcome the inner critic.
With zeal, we drive our thoughts and actions. When we sit in the passenger seat, we learn laziness from the inaction.
Our desire to rationalize is very strong. We have to use the muscle of zeal to be fast-acting and break free from mediocrity.
Opportunities for growth come packaged in challenge at the most unexpected times. The first component of zeal is to be fast-acting. Get up and do it even when we don’t feel like it.
It’s normal to be unexcited about challenging things. This allows us to push ourselves, When we bring our Fire to the day rather than our Earth, we lead with greatness.
Enthusiasm drives real success. When we’re fueled by passion, hustle — zeal — we can easily learn to act, do or speak (or not) properly. Without zeal, something always gets in the way.
Winter is a time to work on our character, to build ourselves to greatness. Then, when summer, which is a time of exposure hits and the spotlight finds us, we’ll be ready.
In this special holiday episode, we discuss how the spiritual energy of Sukkot allows us to connect more deeply and more meaningfully with ourselves and others during this time.
Ability doesn’t lead to responsibility, rather, taking responsibility leads to ability. When we step up, it reveals the greatness latent inside us.
By infusing our words with belief, we can build our speech into a creative entity. This changes the process of growth as we condition ourselves to stay true to our commitments.
Special holiday episode: This is THE greatest day of the year, a day of escaping the physical and reconnecting with our loving Father in Heaven.
Asking ourselves important questions at this special time helps us identify themes. The mantras we then build become pills we can take to help us overcome challenges and negative thinking.
We don’t naturally know how to be better, and it feels like walking in the dark. If we regularly say positive words, we can rewrite negative narratives in our minds.
Our internal commentary shapes how we see the world. If we speak out a positive spin on negative thoughts, the words we use can change how we interact with others.
Deepening relationships with others, G-d, even our work, connects us and decreases our need to acquire more stuff. If we focus on the material, life is a treadmill instead of a ladder.
Relating to a Spiritual Being while living in a material world is hard. With the Divine is inside each of us, we can reach new levels of understanding, growth and greatness.
We have to place the right things in the center of our lives. When we focus on those things and ignore the circumstances around us, we can avoid being thrown into a state of tilt.
When we look at what others do and have, it creates negativity and puts a lid on our potential. When we look inside and appreciate our blessings, we move from “why” to “how.”
Looking at negatives as opportunities to grow can create excitement. This will allow us to lose ourselves the important work we’re doing right now.
We can empower ourselves through perspective by knowing where the battle is being fought and keeping in mind that challenges are gifts to help us improve and grow.
“Getting back” at someone feels like re-balancing the scales of justice. But when only we are responsible for our thoughts and emotions, we can separate from negativity.
The importance of centering our actions and decisions on wisdom, and how to see both opportunities to give and moments of pain as having purpose.
Extreme ownership can lead to trying in vain to assert control over circumstance. If we instead take extreme ownership only of our feelings and actions, it empowers us.
Getting frustrated with others’ issues leads us to blaming. Our job is to grapple with, own and embrace challenges, and to fix ourselves.
Looking at the world through a lens of giving creates a feeling of abundance and blessing. Those feelings empower us to seek responsibilities and opportunities for giving.
Taking the step of being bigger, then waiting for the other is a trap. If we approach challenge as a custom-made virtual-reality “game,” we can win by rising above.
Consistently rising above negativity and behaving in a bigger way is real leadership and becomes the style that others will follow.
Friday Q&A: Ignoring negativity and being positive toward others frees from their drama and leaves us space to be givers.
Trying to project what’s in another person’s head is doomed to failure. If we keep our relationships simple, focused only on giving, they will be much more fulfilling.
We burn energy judging others based on facial expressions and body language. Most of the time, what’s really happening has nothing to do with us, and judging positively frees our minds.
Our minds are programmed for survival. When we re-program them to assume the best and focus on the positive, we rise above instinctual behavior and free ourselves from negativity.
Treasuring our thoughts is so important. By guarding our minds against external circumstances, we protect ourselves from others’ negativity.
Circumstance and our feelings are separate things. When we detach what happens to us from our emotions, we can react in an empowered, positive and productive way.
How to stay positive in a negative environment, how to journal more effectively by creating space for yourself, how to build good habits +1 step at a time, and more!
If our focus turns inward in the face of challenge, we feel alone. If we focus on others and just act, we re-connect and lift ourselves above our challenge.
When go above challenge by focusing on others instead of ourselves, that shift into giving mode triggers the soul and helps us infuse our challenge with meaning.
Engaging challenge with enthusiasm changes how we remember it later. In this way, we hack the narrative in our minds, allowing us to see and remember challenge in a positive light.
Judging the challenge in front of us puts us in a disempowered place. If we let go and accept that we don’t yet know the value of a challenge, we will be enriched in ways we cannot imagine.
When we assign meaning to our discomfort and purpose to our pain, it helps us shift our mindset from a feeling of suffering to one of strengthening.
Journaling helps us look at chunks of our day with an observer mentality. Also, how to give in a free way so if the recipient isn’t grateful, it doesn’t bother us.
Chunking, where we break the day down into small pieces and focus only on what’s right in front of us, helps us stop worrying about what we can’t control and increases our effectiveness.
If we don’t try to pre-judge a challenge, we can experience it in a positive way. Instead, if we prepare, we develop a commando mindset, enabling us to achieve greater success.
Positivity gets us in the frame of mind to properly approach challenge through excitement rather than a feeling of disempowerment
Our biases keep us from interpreting challenges accurately. If we use a gratitude lens, trusting that our challenges are good for us, we tap into our inner strength.
Going on the positive offensive not only brings more joy into our lives but changes our frame for how we deal with the whole day.
When we try to change our lives with new rituals, we will run into pitfalls along the way. Learn how to look for them and navigate around them.
By bringing more positivity into our minds, we play offense with positive feelings. This changes the context of anything negative that happens to us.
Negative emotions block our ability to tap into our personal power and the attribute of gratitude has the incredible power to overcome that.
What happens in life is mostly neutral. We give events their meaning, and gratitude is the filter through which we can enjoy the things we have without having to lose them first.
How we bring materialism into our lives and how, through gratitude, we can clean out that materialism so we can properly appreciate the things we have.
Happiness is based on our thoughts. While we can’t control our minds, we can control our attention and, thus, choose the thoughts on which we focus.
Forming a routine around journaling; choosing happiness in Auschwitz; dealing with setback; plus more answers to viewer questions.
The best approach to prepare for future challenge is to review how we acted in a previous moment of challenge. This helps us clarify our goals so when challenge comes again, we’re ready.
Happiness is a muscle. If we see challenges as workouts for it, we can approach those challenges from a more empowered place and grow more from them.
Outcome-based happiness conditions us to be mostly unhappy, which prevents us from being successful. Happiness leads to success, not the other way around.
Material accomplishments do not feed our need for happiness. The more we pursue them, the more we create neuro-connectors to keep us miserable.
We have to define our terms. This will help us understand what happiness is and is not, and it will also help us understand the traps that get in the way of us becoming happier people.
Chunking our rituals is a valuable process. When we break up a new ritual into chunks, the ritual is easier to adopt and helps us keep them long term.
Where is happiness derived from. Are we expecting reality to make us happy, or is it coming from a deeper place? Plus, how we can know what to do every day.
In a moving episode, Charlie talks about his late grandmother’s truthful advice of working on our happiness in everything we are doing. Plus, Q&A on dealing wth anxiety.
When we are able to align our goals with the person we want to be, it enables us to move in a positive direction toward those goals.
Change is based on positive goals. When we set our bar higher and reach for that bar, we can create greater motivation for ourselves. Plus, Q&A: Getting rid of all negative thoughts.
We take questions from our viewers and discuss how manifesting works, how to get started, and pushing past mental overload.
By allowing negative thoughts to pass, we can bring much-needed positivity to our minds. Plus, Q&A: How to discipline children with kindness.
When we shine the light on certain thoughts and darken others, we empower good thoughts and disempower negative ones. Plus, Daily Q&A: Learning how to adjust rituals after they form.